Obviously I'm staying up longer than I normally would. The orignal intent was to sketch and continue some unfininshed stories in the works. But sadly, this is not the case for me. My mind is filled with unrest. I know this from the fact I'm remembering more of my dreams than usual. That and any creative spark I have goes out.

One topic would be; If you're in a situtation where the end results would either be a) ignore morals and ethics of your personal value to apease another or b) end the situation badly where the opposing party is no longer greetable, what would you choice? Yet both are in away for my case I'm dancing around is that goes against personal morals. It has been difficult for me to see how to apease without breaking some of my own morals. I'm gonna leave that issue like this, for now.

Another is of course, for anyone who knows me well. Sex. If one thing that has been a curse to me, its the thought. True, I enjoy fanticsing about it. Not gonna hide the fact that I do have porn on my computer. But, aside from the pleasure, the emotional attachment with the other and the nature of being human, what else is there to it? Guess what I'm trying to get at, is, why is the curiousity of actually forfilling the disires so strong? Will it remain vigilant after obtianing a seemingly forbidden fruit? Being that said, there is also the question to the USA society on how its looked down upown, in the open, with victorion values? How is it something essistential to continuing the human race, a means of becoming one with a significant other, or forfilling pleasure as a means of escape looked down upon? Shouldn't it be more open to all and at the same time, doesn't give a taboo feeling when talking or wanting to talk about it?

Moving on. I'm 19. Half way through the second semester of college. No job. No liscense. No drive. I spend more time online than probally most of my friends on myspace and face book. My life is more that of my characters Akashimo and Nekoai on Final Fantasy XI: Online, and that of Lneti, Nekoai, Datilu and Akashimo on World of Warcraft. My only real enjoyment of those would be FFXI during Dynamis runs and talking with my linkshell teammates on Skype, or reaching a goal I've set for myself. But in real life, I have no goals. No ambitions. Any thoughts of making it in the video game industry after completeing, assuming my grades from this semester doesn't get me dissmissed from Devry, are shakey as California during earthquakes. Bottom line. I have nothing I want to reach for in life. I find it disturbing. Any goal I think of either goes through my head like this. Goal A. To long term and unable to obtain reasonably. Don't bother. Goal B. Easy simple. But completeing it would be to return to goalless. Result. Nothing.

Why my brain is wired the way it is, I do not know. Bleh. Done here on this post.